Matt recently gave me some career advice. He said that impressionists are the lowest form of comedian. I think he was just afraid that I would do an impression of him online. So instead, I’ll bring you my impression of Brandon.
Brandon is pretty normal, and I’d say even shy around most people. However, for some people, he goes into what can only be described as “creepy mode” where he makes robotic signs of affection and speaks in a weird voice.
Check out my impression of him below, and stay tuned to the end, because I’ve included a special surprise that Brandon had probably long forgotten about until now.
In case you haven’t been paying attention, I also have impressions of Nelson and Mark.
“Winter Wonderland,” reportedly inspired by a scene in the Poconos, is today’s song pick. There are plenty of good versions of it, and since people at work have joked that I listen to Michael Bolton on my headphones (I don’t… well except for right now), I’ll go ahead and recommend his version. Johnny Mathis also does a good job.
Mad Lib
Sophia recently sent me a story on NPR about two men who have been sending the same Christmas card to each other for 60 years. She said that it reminded her of me, and is what would happen if I met my twin. My aunt and uncle have a similar tradition. I’m afraid I don’t have the full details tonight, but maybe I’ll send this off to my aunt so she can fill in the blanks in the next few days. Hmm, blanks… let’s do this Mad Lib-style:
Item 1: “Aunt” OR “Uncle” (pick one): ________
Item 2: Relative NOT chosen above: _________
Item 3: Movie Title: _________
One year, my [item 1] bought my [item 2] a copy of [item 3] for Christmas, and put it in my [item 2]‘s stocking. A year later, [item 3] had not been watched or opened by my [item 2]. My [item 1] wrapped it back up and put it in my [item 2]‘s stocking again. [Item 3] has been wrapped and placed in my [item 2]‘s stocking every year since the tradition began.
“A Holly Jolly Christmas” performed by Burl Ives is today’s song pick.
Keepsakes
Every year, there is one gift that I can count on receiving. In my stocking will be a new ornament for the tree. I don’t know exactly which year they started, but for over 20 years now my parents have been getting us the Hallmark Keepsake ornament. Each one has the year on it, and says either “Son” or “Daughter.” Mine, of course, are the ones that say “Son.” When it’s time to decorate the tree, if we are home (and not living on the other side of the country), we hang our own ornaments, which my sister Sara carefully organizes into separate piles. I could probably take a look at this year’s ornament with a quick search, but I’m going to save the surprise for December 25th.
“Little St. Nick” by The Beach Boys is today’s song pick. I prefer the original, but they also have an “alternate mix” if you’re looking for something different.
Black olives
I’m not sure if this came from a holiday tradition, but I love black olives, and my family serves them on the table at Thanksgiving and Christmas. My grandmother likes them and even my cousin’s young children enjoy putting the olives on their fingertips and sucking them off. I don’t know if this love of olives is genetic or not, but I love it when they get passed around and am craving them right now.
“Christmas Is Coming” from the soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas is today’s song pick. I watch that special every year, and I even have a replica of their Christmas tree, pictured above.
Gus
When I was a toddler, it had snowed and my parents were going to take me outside to experience this magnificent feat of nature. They put me in my snowsuit, and like Randy in A Christmas Story, I was unable to move. “Gus,” I said. “Gus.” This was my adorable way of telling my mother that I was stuck.
Today’s song pick is “Sleigh Ride.” There are plenty of good performances of it; writing this post I listened to the Boston Pops, Johnny Mathis, Kenny G, and Leroy Anderson.
Perfection
Many years ago, at one of the Christmas dinners I described yesterday, the kids (which I was one of) started playing Perfection, a game where two people (or teams) race to match uniquely shaped plastic pieces onto a board. The first team that finishes pushes a button, which unlatches the opposing team’s board, allowing it to spring upward and send the pieces flying.
I had fun, but my sisters and my cousins must have really liked it, because they’ve been playing each other every year, on the same teams, for what I believe has been over ten years now. Their games get pretty intense, and there is plenty of trash talk. It’s a nice tradition.
Alright, I’m off to a Christmas party. I don’t know if we’ll play Perfection.
“The Christmas Song” performed by Nat King Cole is today’s song pick. Or, if you prefer, listen to the version from Natalie Cole where she sings along with a recording of her father. They’re both good. You may know the song as “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire.” When I was in New York for the Christmas show many years ago, I got to smell roasting chestnuts being sold by vendors on the street. I didn’t like the smell.
Hot dogs and pizza
Depending on the year, either my mom or my aunt hosts a Christmas dinner, which we usually do on the 26th. They both love to go all-out when it comes to serving food (as I’m sure millions of hosts across the world do this time of year), but that doesn’t mean that we can only feast on foie gras. In fact, I’m glad we don’t. I didn’t even know what it was until I scanned the Wikipedia article a minute ago, and everything about it sounds absolutely horrible. Bleh, let’s get into a new paragraph.
One year, my mom was discussing the dinner with my aunt, and my aunt said, “Just have pizza!” So, we did (among other things). I love pizza. It was awesome. Last year, we had another traditionally simple meal. We cooked hot dogs in the fireplace. At the top of this post is one shot of the dining room table, loaded with hot dogs and marshmallows.
“We Need a Little Christmas” performed by Johnny Mathis is today’s song pick. Johnny Mathis does a good job, and “We Need a Little Christmas” is the opening song in A Muppet Family Christmas, although Mathis doesn’t perform it.
Bayberry candle
On Christmas Eve at 6 PM, my family lights a bayberry candle and we let it burn down until it extinguishes itself.
I recently developed a new impression of a coworker. Mark has a very distinct way of starting a conversation. I’m not sure if I captured it that well in this video, since my original impression contains top-secret Google topics, but the gist is that he speaks almost as if he’s writing an essay in high school using the “funnel” method. He was most recently a teacher, so I guess that makes sense. He starts broad, and then narrows down to the point. It’s a very logical way to speak and easy to follow, but for some reason I’m making fun of it.
Today, just a day or two after I first debuted my impression to Nelson, Mark walked up to Nelson’s desk and unknowingly launched into a perfect impression of himself. I mean it was dead-on. A few words into it, Nelson and I simultaneously started laughing so hard that neither of us could talk. Nelson tried several times to compose himself as Mark attempted to proceed with the conversation, which of course only made it worse. I was at the point where tears were coming down my face, so I had to leave the cube for a few minutes and walked around with a goofy smile on my face.
After the conversation was over, I explained why we were laughing and performed my impression. After telling him that my impressions are limited to a select group of people (I think Nelson is the only other person on the list), he described it as being a member of the worst club you could possibly be in. I think he liked the impression.
By the way, I used YouTube’s “Quick Capture” feature to do this since Apple returned my repaired laptop without iLife (or even an operating system). Pretty cool that you can capture video in a regular web browser with Flash.
“Deck the Halls” by Mannheim Steamroller is today’s song pick. We heard it on the radio a few times one year, and I really liked it, but had no idea who it was by. I think my mom was finally able to catch one time the name of the artist. And if I’m remembering this correctly, I believe I was able to find it on Amazon and use the audio preview to confirm that it was the correct song. We soon had a copy of Mannheim’s Christmas album.
Caroling
As far as I can remember, we only had carolers come to our door once. It was our neighbor and her Girl Scout troop.
In high school, my Spanish teacher brought in his guitar before our winter break started and we spent a class period going around to the other classrooms singing holiday songs. I’m pretty sure I remember us singing “Feliz Navidad” and seeing my teacher really get into it. When we were singing to a chemistry class, one of the girls gave the teacher a paper flower or ribbon or something of that nature. This is because he had told us in an earlier class that growing up in Mexico, he participated in a tradition where guys would sing outside of a girl’s window and then the girl would give the guy a ribbon or something like that if she liked him. He never got one.
When I was in first grade, I had the only speaking part of a first grader in the Christmas play. I still remember my line:
“Gee, these decorations look really neat. Now all we need is a star.”
On my cue, a star lit up above the stage and we sang another song. Then Linus came out and explained what Christmas is all about.
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