Here’s what went down. Last night, at an event organized by Ai, we surprised Nelson with a birthday dinner at Vung Tau in San Jose. It was my first time at a Vietnamese restaurant, and while I was terrified of what I might eat, the food actually very good, including some spongy vegetable I had never seen before in an unidentified soup. That part of the evening went pretty well, and I even brought a sufficient amount of cash for when it was time to pay the bill, although I did have to ask for change. (I still I can’t believe that in 2009, cash is something I find myself using, but I could write an entire series of blog posts about how I hate carrying around paper and why restaurants should be better equipped to handle multi-card payments.)

After dinner, we headed to the Peacock Lounge in Sunnyvale. It’s a bar, the type of venue I could write countless more parenthetical complaints about, but I was happy to attend and support Nelson on his birthday. Things were going pretty well, I was doing okay with talking to Nelson’s friends in between segments of faux interest in whatever sports they were showing on the TVs, but then Ai confronted me about something.

“So I was reading your blog,” she said.

“Uh oh,” I replied, secretly thrilled that anyone had read it, regardless of whether or not it was about to lead to me getting yelled at.

She then told me that she had serious issues with what I had said about California in one post. She claimed that I said that I wouldn’t miss my friends, and called my description of weather and seasons (for the benefit of Californians) “condescending.”

She schooled me a bit on her history with, “I spent some time living in Illinois. I know what weather is.”

My post was meant to exclude Californians who had spent some time living in Illinois, but I forgot to explicitly state that so again, Ai, I’m sorry.

At the time, I was fatigued and not thinking straight, so I attempted to get out of trouble using logic and not just apologizing. After I pointed out out several flaws in her accusations with quotes from my post, like “I like California,” and “I will miss some people,” she said that it’s not her fault if she misunderstood what I wrote. At this point, I may have, if one interprets my words a certain way, subtly implied that she has poor reading comprehension skills when I told her, “You have poor reading comprehension skills,” and noted that I write at an advanced level. Eventually, when the conversation got to the point of “Oh, boy, she might not be taking this argument as a joke like I am,” (this happens to me a lot) I came to my senses and added this to my Gmail Tasks list on my iPhone: “Apologize to ai because girls are scary and I always agree with them as a life rule.”

So why did I decide to apologize? It’s a defense mechanism I’ve developed over time, and it’s part of a (previously) strategy that I think I’ve only shared with Ted until now. Two main rules of this strategy are:

1. In an argument where you are forced to take sides, always agree with the girl.
2. When in doubt, apologize.

Let’s go over #2, since it is the relevant rule here: When in doubt, apologize. Even if I think it’s a situation where there is no argument and nobody should feel guilty, I just play it safe and fill any awkward silences or otherwise confusing moments with an apology. Let’s see if it saves me this time around.

I was talking to my uncle today, and he mentioned that it saves him money if he gets his hair cut really short, since he can then go for six weeks without getting it cut again. I suggested that he probably also saves money on shampoo when it’s really short.

He then pointed out that this is only true if you think to adjust your shampoo usage when you squeeze it out of the bottle. And when I thought about it, I’m pretty sure that regardless of length, I always put the same-sized glob of shampoo on my hand before applying. The only case where my usage changes is when my hair gets really long and I add a second coat of shampoo.

So, if you haven’t thought to do this already, try using a smaller glob of shampoo when your hair has been recently cut.

Skiing/Snowboarding – Mountain Virg
From: NIGHT HAWK

I have never been skiing, or snowboarding…  in fact, i’m
not even sure if snowboarding is one word or two.  I’m going tomorrow
for my very first time ever.  Going to do what you ask?  There in lies
the question… what am I to do?  Ski or Snow Board?

In addition to not knowing which art of winter rec sport to engage, I
am also uncertain as to what I will need to ensure maximum
satisfaction from the experience.  Particularly with regard to
apparel.  I’d imagine I need snow pants and goggles (not googles) at
the very least.

Any other advice for mountain virgins?

I must begin my answer by apologizing to Mr. HAWK. His question was submitted back on January 23rd, and I didn’t notice it until today since my advice queue had been so stagnant. Hopefully things turned out well for him without my advice.

I’ve only been a skier, but as far as I can tell, skiing and snowboarding are both pretty similar. Here are some differences to keep in mind:

• Skiers and snowboarders do not mix well on chairlifts. Skiers keep their skis facing forward, while snowboarders relax with their boards at an angle. If you’re going to be hanging out with a group of all snowboarders or all skiers, just do whatever they’re doing.
• Snowboarders spend about 90% of their time just laying on the middle of the hill for no reason.
• Snowboarders don’t have poles, which is pretty inconvenient if you have to deal with flat terrain.
• Some snobby resorts do no allow snowboarders.
• Skiing is probably more dangerous, because there’s a lot of stuff that can get tangled up, and your legs can travel in two different directions.
• If you wipe out while skiing, you may have to hike up the hill to retrieve several items.
• Ski boots are really uncomfortable, even if you’ve had them custom-fit for your feet. I don’t know how snowboarding boots feel.

Regarding apparel:

• You’ll probably fall a lot as a beginner, so if you try to ski or snowboard in just jeans you’ll get soaked pretty quickly. Make sure you get snow pants and a good jacket, both waterproof. They should block the wind well too, since that can really chill you. If you don’t mind looking a little dorky, get a one-piece jumpsuit which will virtually eliminate the chances of the snow getting up under your jacket when you fall. If you go with separate snow pants instead, you are taking a bigger risk but you get to wear suspenders. Life is full of compromises.
• Get a hat that you’ll be comfortable wearing all day and that keeps your ears covered.
• Get a comfortable neck warmer, but only wear it over your face if it’s too cold to do without. Otherwise, keep it around your neck only or substitute it with a scarf.
• Get some goggles. If it’s cold, sunglasses won’t do because you’ll want to block your entire face from the wind. Sunglasses also aren’t ideal when you’re starting out and falling a lot.
• Hand and toe warmers are wonderful if you need them, but don’t use them if they’re not necessary because they’ll make you sweat.

Other things to bring:

• Phone (if you find out that you don’t get service on the mountain, buy some radios with your friends)
• Camera
• Tissues
• ChapStick
• Food (granola bars work pretty well)
• Wallet
• Trail map

Have fun! And NIGHT HAWK, please let me know how everything turned out.

Delicious and convenient snacks
From: Riona

Dear Wysz
Trader Joe’s gyoza: Chicken, pork, or shrimp?

I used to buy both pork and chicken, but recently I’ve been going chicken-only for no good reason. Both taste good to me in potstickers, but in general I prefer chicken over pork. I never buy shrimp. I do eat shrimp occasionally if it comes with something else at a restaurant, but I’ve never sought it out. I have enjoyed many potstickers containing shrimp however, as Nelson made a bunch, and they also serve them on Thursdays at work.

Here’s the part where I try to salvage the post and turn it into relationship advice, even though most people are using the form to ask random questions. This is my fault, because other than the debut post, I never really made it clear what the form is for, and it doesn’t say so anywhere on the form.

Everyone knows it’s romantic to cook dinner for someone. So yeah, you can do that. But here’s something that may be a little more fun: Cook something together. If you know something advanced and your date wants to know how to do it, you can teach. Or, try cooking something that’s new and challenge for both of you.

I said that one of the coolest things about being an adult is that you can do whatever you want, and that since she wanted to try the class, she should at least go once. XKCD illustrates this point well:

If you’re an adult and you have an idea for something you want to do, but think it may be too silly, follow these two steps:

1. Answer the question: Is it reasonably safe?
2. If the answer to #1 is “Yes,” then do it.

Well, tonight was laundry night, and I realized that most of my socks have been worn to the point where I wouldn’t feel bad throwing them out. I just placed an order for 18 pairs of socks (three six packs). At least I think it’s 18 pairs. The product description doesn’t explicitly state what I’m getting eighteen of, but considering they also offer a three-pack, I’m probably not only getting 18 individual socks. This may not change my life, but it will certainly make me happier. I should have done this years ago, but at least I did it.

A lot of people are afraid of rejection. A lot of people are really afraid of it. It’s understandable, because it can have some bad effects. It can cause embarrassment. It can hurt one’s self-confidence. But really, it’s not that bad, and it shouldn’t stop you from trying something.

One of my most effective methods in calming my nerves is the “What’s the worst that could happen?” exercise. I used it all the time in school before exams. If I was nervous, I would think about the worst possible outcome, and then consider how it really wasn’t that bad. With an exam, the worst thing that could happen would be that I would fail it. And that turns out to not be so bad, because it has very little effect in the long run. After some quick math, I could figure out if failing it would mean failing the course. The possibility of failing the course makes it a little worse, but still, it’s not so bad. It just means I’d have to take one more course the next semester if I needed the credits. So even when it comes to failure, think about it: Will you really care about that one failure next year? Will you even remember it in five years?

If you don’t try something because you’re afraid of being rejected, then you’ve already failed, because if you don’t try to do something, in most cases it’s never going to happen. You’ve done the rejection yourself. You won’t get what you could have tried for, which in the end is the same as trying for it and not getting it. But just by trying, you’ve increased your chances of success from zero or near-zero to at least a small chance. If I had not applied to Google because I thought I would be rejected, I would not be working there now. With the number of applications I had good reason to assume I wouldn’t get the position, but I also knew that by simply applying, I was increasing my ability to get hired. “You never know until you try” really applies in these situations, and in many cases, at least for me, not knowing is worse than being rejected. It’s worse, because you’ll always be able to wonder if you made a mistake by not trying. You could have had what you wanted, but you gave up on it. When you’re rejected, at least you know that the answer is “no,” and you can focus on trying for the next thing. The simple relief of knowing that it’s over may overpower any negative feelings caused by the rejection.

So if you’ve wanted to know if you can do something, my advice (follow at your own risk), is to go for it. No matter what the outcome, you’ll probably sleep better than you would if you just lie there and wonder.

From: Leah
Is your favorite drink still a Gin and Tonic? You used to love them, as I recall.

I don’t really enjoy mixed drinks that much, but a gin and tonic is can be nice. If I’m drinking alcohol, I prefer red wine. Otherwise, I’m happy with Pepsi, water, or orange juice.

You didn’t ask for advice, so I’ll just give some anyway. If you’re at an event and you don’t want to drink alcohol, there’s an easy way to prevent the constant offers from people who want to get you something. Just go to the bar, ask for a Coke (or other soda), and have the bartender put a lime in it. Nobody will question you as long as you don’t drink it too quickly or from a straw.