I am an idiot.

By The Wysz

Idiot's Entry #1

I am an idiot. My expository writing instructor, a graduate student, is some sort of techno music DJ. He has been plugging this, um, "concert" in class for the past couple of weeks. He passed out an article about the event with a headine proclaiming that the group who ran the show "manages to attract virtual unknowns" of the techno scene. The other day, my teacher says that he will give us 1/2 a letter grade of extra credit on our final paper if we attend one of the events he is involved in. I figure that I can survive one hour or whatever of this music to boost my grade. My fiction/poetry teacher offers similar extra credit options, but they are usually readings by authors or theater performances, and I never felt like it would be worth it to attend one of them for an extra credit point.

I cut my Thursday evening nap short (I had been awake for over 32 hours before I hopped into bed) and walk outside in the cold to the building where the perfomance would take place. I am five minutes early. There is hardly anyone in the audience, and I don't see a single classmate. It will be nice to be the only one getting extra credit. As I enter the room, I learn that there is a $5 admission fee ($10 for non-students). My instructor never warned me about a charge, and it wasn't listed on the email he sent or on the flyers he passed out in class. But hey, I'll pay $5 for some extra credit. If only all of my classes were this easy!

I pick up all of the free literature on the table, most of which appears to be ads for similar electronic music events. I will use this as evidence of my attendance if my instructor doesn't see me.

As I'm trying to escape a conversation with a well-intentioned man who wants me to listen to some online techno music station that he broadcasts on, I see my instructor. I jokingly say to him, "I didn't know that the extra credit would cost me five bucks!"

The joke was on me.

"Dude, you didn't really believe me, did you? I was only kidding about the extra credit."

Well, I didn't want him to know that I was a complete dolt, so I said, "No, I just came to check it out. You better impress me."

So, here I sit, writing on the backs of the flyers I picked up. The "performance" was supposed to start a half hour ago. I didn't get to bed last night, and I will be up late for sure today. And all for nothing. I am an idiot.

Read my review of the show.

Idiot's Entry #2

I was hoping that there wasn't going to be a second entry in this section, but here it is, because I am an idiot. This entry has a larger budget than the original, but unfortunately it's not as funny. I broke my car. 2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. V8. Blue. Broken.

It was a dark and stormy night. Well, it wasn't stormy, but it was dark and had rained earlier. I had to go up to the top of the driveway and retrieve the garbage can and recycling buckets that had been put out the night before. Usually I would just walk up and get them, but my younger sister Lauren likes to drive our John Deere Gator, so at dinner I promised her that she could drive me up to the end of the driveway. I park my Jeep in front of the garage door that the Gator needs to go out, so before Lauren could drive, I had to move my Jeep. I opened up the door, got in, and started to back out. I was just going to take it straight out about 15 feet, so I didn't bother to close the door. I was about to put it into park when I thought that since Lauren would be driving, I should move the Jeep farther away. So I looked out through the rear window, turned the wheel, and started backing towards the fence. I heard a horrible noise, stopped the car, and turned to see that the door was open farther than it had ever been open before. Since I had decided at the last minute to change my parking space, I made the turn much wider than usual, and hit the basketball pole with my door. I would have closed it before I backed out if I knew I was going to park there. I am an idiot.

My dad and I were eventually able to get the door closed, and tomorrow I will take it to the dealer to see how much it will cost. I am an idiot.
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