Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hey Wysz, what are your thoughts on using cute pets for personal gain? Hypothetically, if I had a cute dog, should said dog help me meet girls at parks and other outdoor places? Are there any other ways I could use this hypothetical dog to my advantage?

Pets, especially dogs, are a big responsibility. If you do not already have this dog, I would not recommend getting one for the purpose of meeting girls. Instead of using a dog, one great alternative is children. You see, generally the ultimate goal in this whole dating thing is to find someone who you’ll eventually marry and have a family with. If you can prove to your potential wife that you are capable of rearing children, you increase the possibility that she will choose you as her mate. Let’s walk through a quick overview of the process.

First, start with a baby. Babies are a great lure for girls, because it is culturally acceptable for women to approach anyone who is holding a baby, commenting on its cuteness or asking standard questions such as “How many months?” or “Where did you get it?” Just hang out in a public place where there are females, and make yourself look approachable. You’ll probably get attention pretty quickly, and once a girl starts talking to you, keep the conversation going so she doesn’t just pass by. And she may not ask, but trust me, all she wants to do at that point is hold the baby, so you need to get past that if you want her to be at all interested in you. Make up an excuse (it doesn’t have to be good… remember, she isn’t listening) for her to hold the baby so she can have her fix. For example, “I need to grab her bottle out of the bag; would you mind holding her for a minute?” Once the baby has been in her arms, you can start working your magic in getting to some actual communication. Continue to use this bait until you’ve attracted consistent attention (multiple encounters) from a girl who you’d like to go out with. Once you’re sure that she would at least acknowledge you without the presence of a baby, impress her even more by moving up to progressively older children. Each day, you can move up an age group, and perform an appropriate parenting skill in her presence. Read a story to a toddler. Teach a seven-year-old how to catch a ball. You get the idea. You can then confidently ask her out.

If you already have a dog, that can be helpful as it may work as an initial attractor like the baby. But after a quick pat on your dog’s head, you’re on your own. She’s not going to stick around just to watch you make a dog sit or roll over.

3 thoughts on “Pets”

  1. nelson: lol
    wysz: I like “Where did you get it?” Also, where are single 20-something males going to find a seven year old to teach to catch? Can you rent them somewhere?

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