Wyszdom

The title sounds negative, but this is actually intended to be a positive post. Trust me.

A lot of people are afraid of rejection. A lot of people are really afraid of it. It’s understandable, because it can have some bad effects. It can cause embarrassment. It can hurt one’s self-confidence. But really, it’s not that bad, and it shouldn’t stop you from trying something.

One of my most effective methods in calming my nerves is the “What’s the worst that could happen?” exercise. I used it all the time in school before exams. If I was nervous, I would think about the worst possible outcome, and then consider how it really wasn’t that bad. With an exam, the worst thing that could happen would be that I would fail it. And that turns out to not be so bad, because it has very little effect in the long run. After some quick math, I could figure out if failing it would mean failing the course. The possibility of failing the course makes it a little worse, but still, it’s not so bad. It just means I’d have to take one more course the next semester if I needed the credits. So even when it comes to failure, think about it: Will you really care about that one failure next year? Will you even remember it in five years?

If you don’t try something because you’re afraid of being rejected, then you’ve already failed, because if you don’t try to do something, in most cases it’s never going to happen. You’ve done the rejection yourself. You won’t get what you could have tried for, which in the end is the same as trying for it and not getting it. But just by trying, you’ve increased your chances of success from zero or near-zero to at least a small chance. If I had not applied to Google because I thought I would be rejected, I would not be working there now. With the number of applications I had good reason to assume I wouldn’t get the position, but I also knew that by simply applying, I was increasing my ability to get hired. “You never know until you try” really applies in these situations, and in many cases, at least for me, not knowing is worse than being rejected. It’s worse, because you’ll always be able to wonder if you made a mistake by not trying. You could have had what you wanted, but you gave up on it. When you’re rejected, at least you know that the answer is “no,” and you can focus on trying for the next thing. The simple relief of knowing that it’s over may overpower any negative feelings caused by the rejection.

So if you’ve wanted to know if you can do something, my advice (follow at your own risk), is to go for it. No matter what the outcome, you’ll probably sleep better than you would if you just lie there and wonder.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

From: Leah
Is your favorite drink still a Gin and Tonic? You used to love them, as I recall.

I don’t really enjoy mixed drinks that much, but a gin and tonic is can be nice. If I’m drinking alcohol, I prefer red wine. Otherwise, I’m happy with Pepsi, water, or orange juice.

You didn’t ask for advice, so I’ll just give some anyway. If you’re at an event and you don’t want to drink alcohol, there’s an easy way to prevent the constant offers from people who want to get you something. Just go to the bar, ask for a Coke (or other soda), and have the bartender put a lime in it. Nobody will question you as long as you don’t drink it too quickly or from a straw.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hey Wysz,
What things would you recommend to pack for an extended trip away from home?

The first thing I’d say is don’t worry about it too much. Packing is a pain and always seems to take longer than it should. Recently I’ve been telling myself, “If I forget something and really need it, I can just buy it when I’m there.” So don’t sweat it. Just throw in a bunch of clothes, get your toiletries, pack your computer and camera (and camera, computer, and phone chargers), and you should be all set. I don’t think there’s really that much different that you need to do for an extended trip; as you’re less likely to live out of your suitcase in that situation anyway. The only things I would consider adding are one or two sentimental items from home. Maybe a picture, maybe a favorite item from your desk. With the Internet, you’ll still be connected to everyone, so everything will be fine.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Wysz, is there anything that you need advice on from your dedicated readers?

Awwwwwwwww, you guys……

Nah, I’m good. I have the Internet. World’s information at my fingertips. Thanks for the offer.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Money woes

The economy doesn’t seem to be doing so hot, gas prices are rising, and banks are doing poorly.  What are some ways to save money? How can I take a girl out on a date that’s practically free, without looking cheap?

When it comes to general money-saving advice, I keep like to keep it simple: don’t go into debt. How do you avoid debt? Don’t buy stuff that you cannot afford. Here’s an instructional video:

And that “savings” thing they talk about in Chapter 3? Here’s how I handle it. I keep the money that I need in a checking account. This is where I get the money to pay my rent, credit card balance, and other bills. My paycheck gets deposited into this account. When I have more money than I need in my checking account, I move the stuff that I don’t need into the savings account. I never take money out of the savings account, because I’m saving it.

Now, onto relationship advice. First of all, if you’re dating a girl you should try to splurge once in a while. It’ll be fun for both of you, and what better things could you spend your money on? But of course that’s not something you can do all the time, so looking for more affordable activities is certainly reasonable. The specific venue for your date is a matter of personal preference, so I’ll just list a few ideas to show you that not every date has to involve buying a meal or a ticket. In fact, I prefer a movie night on the couch over eating in a restaurant with potentially terrifying food and confusing tipping practices.

Here are some possibilities to get you started, but I encourage you to be creative and build off of these for even better experiences:

• Rent a movie or pick out an old favorite from your DVD collection and just hang out at your place or hers with some microwave popcorn. It’s simple and nothing new, but who doesn’t like it? Bonus points if you cook her dinner before the movie, if you don’t suck at cooking.
• Find a nice isolated place with limited or no light pollution and watch the stars. Reid has noted that the Perseid meteor shower peaks in August!
• Picnic
• Sneak over to where she’s babysitting and hang out with her after the kids have gone to bed. Just make sure you sneak back out before the parents get back early because they forgot the tickets for the show after dinner. <- DO NOT DO THIS! Haven’t you ever seen a sitcom?

Have more ideas for a cheap date? (Oh, yeah, make sure you avoid the phrase “cheap date.”) Leave a comment below.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Why does Reid ask so many questions?

He’s weird. Did you want some advice?

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Wysz’s Body

Wysz, how do you keep your body so slim and trim? Do you have “trouble areas” and if so, how do you deal with them?

I don’t like a lot of foods, and I almost always sleep through breakfast. I stick to a strict diet of spaghetti, potstickers, In-n-Out, pizza, and Oreos. My figure also probably has something to do with genetics or math or some other science that I’m not good at. I don’t have any “trouble areas” that I’m aware of.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Superhero fight
From: Sasidhar

I know it’s an age old question, but I wanted the Wysz answer. Who would win a fight between Batman and Superman?

We’ve really gotten off track with these questions recently; I don’t see how this is a request for advice. I’ll answer it anyway though, because I’m a nice guy.

When it comes to a fight between Batman and Superman, I disagree with the premise of the question. Batman and Superman would not fight each other. They would cooperate and fight whoever tried to make them fight in the first place. So that leaves me with two pieces of advice for you:

1. Don’t make Batman and Superman fight.
2. Don’t bring this up on a date.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

How white is Wysz?
From: Reid

I’m sure you’ve read the blog “Stuff White People Like.” I definitely think of you as the epitome of Whiteness: Standing still at concerts (#67), Grammar (#99), Bad Memories of High School (#83), Apple Products (#40), Wine (#24), and definitely Asian Girls (#11).

But, one thing about Whiteness, at least according to Lander, is a fair amount of political liberalism: Barack Obama (#8), Knowing What’s Best for Poor People (#62), Gentrification (#73), Free Healthcare (#93), and Hating Corporations (#82).

Having read your blog, you appear to deliberately exclude yourself from politics:

http://www.thewysz.com/hotw/iblog/C712427414/E20061119234808/;
http://www.thewysz.com/hotw/iblog/C1020803948/E47223902/;
http://www.thewysz.com/wyszdom/2008/06/music/;
http://www.thewysz.com/wyszdom/2008/06/gift-cards-and-politicians/

Why the disassociation? Or do you feel that political liberalism is not a mutually exclusive component of Whiteness? Would you at the very least agree that being informed about politics or current events might be helpful for dating?

Wow, you actually mentioned dating in this one. So I guess that makes it count as a solicitation for advice.

I believe I’ve already mentioned as comment on your blog that I do not like everything that the people Lander writes about do. For example, white people in Lander’s blog like to live in San Francisco. I do not. They also like bumper stickers. I do not. Political people like bumper stickers.

Answering your questions in order:

Why the dissociation?
I exclude myself from talking about politics, not from participation or awareness. I still vote, but I don’t tell anyone who I voted for. I also research the candidates, but I don’t promote or attack them. Why? Because it’s just not worth it.

It’s not worth it personally, because telling someone your political beliefs has a much stronger potential to hurt you than it does to help you. Let’s set a person’s impression of you as a baseline. If you then tell this person that you agree with him or her politically, he or she may have a slightly more positive impression of you, but it is also likely that he or she has always assumed that you, a reasonable person, shared his or her views, and therefore sees you as exactly the same as before. However, if you tell this person that you do not agree with him or her, there is a very high probability that this will cause he or she to look at you more negatively, and question everything about his or her previous impression of you.

It’s not worth it politically, because people do not change their minds often when it comes to politics. So if you share your views, you will only be preaching to the choir.

I also want to limit my participation in a system that has become such a huge mess. Why is it such a big fight? This isn’t sports. Aren’t we all, in the end, on the same team? Why can’t the candidate with the second highest number of votes be vice president, or the appropriate equivalent for other offices? Nearly every politician uses forms of idiot marketing that I do not want to support. And the whole party system is stupid. I’d rather vote for a single person who has political beliefs similar to mine, and not vote for a set group of beliefs, especially if I only have two options to choose from. Just because I agree with a party on one issue doesn’t mean that I should have to also feel a certain way about multiple unrelated issues. I see differences between individual candidates, but honestly, I do not see a difference between Democrats and Republicans. They’re all politicians.

Do you feel that political liberalism is not a mutually exclusive component of Whiteness?
I don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive or inclusive. Lander probably believes they’re mutually inclusive.

Would you at the very least agree that being informed about politics or current events might be helpful for dating?
Politics: I would not date someone who wants to talk about politics.
Current Events: I typically don’t like to talk about these either, unless it’s about technology.

So, no. At least not for me.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

From: Reid

Why haven’t you seen Get Smart yet?  Since you’re such a big fan of The Office (US version), I would have assumed you would have seen it on opening night.

Again, Reid, do you understand what the Personal Wyszdom form is for? You’re supposed to ask for advice, not about my movie-watching habits. But here we go:

I just haven’t gotten around to it. I’m a busy guy. I haven’t seen a lot of Steve’s recent movies including Dan in Real Life and Evan Almighty. I do think he’s a good actor, but I don’t need to see all of his films immediately. Do you want to see it sometime this week? If so, let me know via email or something, not through the advice form.