I keep forgetting to pay my power bill because everything else is paid automatically. Here’s why this bill is paid manually.
The auto-pay page, while hidden, starts out well:
Auto Pay is a convenient, hassle-free way to pay your bill.
Cool. Sign me up!
To enroll in Auto Pay, please fill out the Automated Payment Authorization form, print, sign and fax it to…
What?
To be fair, I could mail it instead.
Sometimes I think about visiting Australia. Then I read something like this:
If you wear a head torch and look into the bush, dozens of little glinting blue-green-yellow eyes shine back at you from the leaf litter. They are all spiders.
I have not been to Australia.
Me: How is [dog’s name, redacted for security]?
Beah: he’s good. A little insecure today because I had to answer a security question, “What’s the name of your favorite pet?” and I read it out loud to him and acted like I couldn’t decide
Please enjoy a few of my mondegreens followed by the actual lyrics.
Time steals the limit, oh yeah!
Signed, sealed delivered, I’m yours!
Everybody wants to be with you
Everybody wants to rule the world
Baby! To me you’re gonna need a dictionary I can’t deny
Baby! To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny
I’ve been trying Duolingo for a few weeks now and I really like it. It’s too early to tell if it’s going to significantly improve my Spanish skills, but at least it’s fun. I really liked this recent exercise:
Me: I’m trying to become a better blogger.
Tiffany: You’re one of the best bloggers that I know. [She pauses.] Disclosure: I don’t really read your blog.
Bill and I don’t talk much now that we’re not in the same apartment or even the same city, but in December, we had a lot to talk about. Here’s an unedited exchange of text messages; our only communication during this period:
Me: Happy birthday hahaha you are so old! (Dec. 15, 13 12:39 PM)
Me: I’m still in my 20s (Dec. 15, 13 12:39 PM)
Bill: Not any more. Happy birthday. (Dec. 31, 13 11:40 AM)
5:02:32
Woman: Hi!
5:02:33
Me: Hi! What’s up?
5:24:41
Woman is offline.
“Hey, have you ever tried meatballs with Cheetos?”
This is what the sandwich artist at Subway asked me tonight as if it’s something he really thought I’d like. He then explained how they make the meal nice and crunchy. I thought this was a funny thing to ask a seemingly random customer, but then after I thought about it, I realized that I probably would like that.
“I’m like a conspiracy theorist who doesn’t believe in conspiracies.”
– Ted Skuchas