Wyszdom

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Before the Internet
From: Reid

What did you do before you got on the Internet?

I believe I was in fifth grade when we first got AOL, and the “real Internet” came within about a year. Before that, I built things. I built with K’NEX, LEGOs, Capsela, wooden blocks… anything. Except for Erector Sets. Those things were confusing. I also liked to build/launch model rockets and even worked on the treehouse in the backyard. Now I only get to build things when I move, and it’s all from IKEA.

Wait, did you need advice about something? Save those hex wrenches.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Clothing
From: Riona

Dear Wysz
Capris on men: Yes or no?

If he’s European or hiking through a stream: Fine.
If he’s not: No.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

What are some good movies to watch with girls? Do you know of any smooth moves that can help “set the mood”?

The first thing you should do is try to figure out which types of movies the girl likes. You want her to have a good time, right?

Comedies are tough unless you really know her sense of humor. If you go to a movie like Superbad and she hates it while you’re laughing the whole time, she may not think that highly of you. But if you want to go comedy, stay mainstream. Think Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, or other actors with confusing combinations of ‘R’ and ‘L’ in their last names which make them difficult to spell. Try to get as close to the romantic comedy genre as you can (see below), with films like Meet the Parents.

Scary movies are good only if she likes them. If you take her to a scary movie and she doesn’t like them, then you’re just a jerk. If she like them and you don’t, go anyway, since she may find it cute when you’re scared. Plus she might grab your arm or turn towards you if she gets scared, which is kind of cool.

Romantic comedies, AKA “chick flicks,” are pretty standard date movies, so go to one of these if you want to play it safe. These are date movies for good reasons, so don’t feel bad about going to them. A few advantages:

1. If they include actors like Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, or Julia Roberts, the audience will much likely be older and therefore not annoying like certain groups of teenagers you’ll find at other movies.
2. At the end of the movie, you’ll both be thinking about relationships and have an excuse to talk about them.
3. If you find yourself at a loss for words later that night, just quote the movie and it will likely sound romantic.
4. You can go to a romantic comedy and not feel embarrassed about it.

Action movies are kind of bleh for dates, and better suited for group outings since they tend to be big blockbuster-type movies that anyone is okay with seeing. Unless she suggests one, you can probably skip it.

Star Trek movies are good only if you met at a Star Trek convention. Otherwise, sneak out and see the new one while she’s out of town or you’re supposed to be at work. May 2009!

As for the moves, let’s start with what you shouldn’t do. Don’t do the stretch, which ends with your arm around her. It’s so corny that it goes past the point where it’s funny. The stretch is illustrated below:

Photo by Koklynn Yip

Your best bet is probably to keep your hands to yourself and wait for her lead. If you do something she doesn’t like, you risk having to sit awkwardly through the remainder of the movie.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have any moves to share with you. Like pickup lines, “moves” are small tactics that are unlikely to help you much in the long run. However, there is one move that can be used before the start of a relationship. I use it all the time, and it’s a simple ear wiggle. You see, when a girl sees a guy wiggling his ears, one of her first thoughts will be, “I bet he’s single.” This talent is therefore a great way to signal your guaranteed availability.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hi Wysz. Where are the best places to go to meet singles?

Star Trek conventions. Many of the attendees are likely single, plus you know they like Star Trek. What else could you want?

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hey Wysz, what are your thoughts on using cute pets for personal gain? Hypothetically, if I had a cute dog, should said dog help me meet girls at parks and other outdoor places? Are there any other ways I could use this hypothetical dog to my advantage?

Pets, especially dogs, are a big responsibility. If you do not already have this dog, I would not recommend getting one for the purpose of meeting girls. Instead of using a dog, one great alternative is children. You see, generally the ultimate goal in this whole dating thing is to find someone who you’ll eventually marry and have a family with. If you can prove to your potential wife that you are capable of rearing children, you increase the possibility that she will choose you as her mate. Let’s walk through a quick overview of the process.

First, start with a baby. Babies are a great lure for girls, because it is culturally acceptable for women to approach anyone who is holding a baby, commenting on its cuteness or asking standard questions such as “How many months?” or “Where did you get it?” Just hang out in a public place where there are females, and make yourself look approachable. You’ll probably get attention pretty quickly, and once a girl starts talking to you, keep the conversation going so she doesn’t just pass by. And she may not ask, but trust me, all she wants to do at that point is hold the baby, so you need to get past that if you want her to be at all interested in you. Make up an excuse (it doesn’t have to be good… remember, she isn’t listening) for her to hold the baby so she can have her fix. For example, “I need to grab her bottle out of the bag; would you mind holding her for a minute?” Once the baby has been in her arms, you can start working your magic in getting to some actual communication. Continue to use this bait until you’ve attracted consistent attention (multiple encounters) from a girl who you’d like to go out with. Once you’re sure that she would at least acknowledge you without the presence of a baby, impress her even more by moving up to progressively older children. Each day, you can move up an age group, and perform an appropriate parenting skill in her presence. Read a story to a toddler. Teach a seven-year-old how to catch a ball. You get the idea. You can then confidently ask her out.

If you already have a dog, that can be helpful as it may work as an initial attractor like the baby. But after a quick pat on your dog’s head, you’re on your own. She’s not going to stick around just to watch you make a dog sit or roll over.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Future travel plans?
From: Reid

Where do you plan to travel in the coming year?

I don’t know if this is exactly related to advice, since you’re just asking about me, but I’ll answer it anyway in the hope that it will inspire the travel plans of you and others. Here’s what I’m thinking for upcoming trips:

Vegas
I’ll go if I find a way to get a free trip. This is pretty likely. There are still plenty of shows there I haven’t seen so it should be fun.

Telluride, CO
I’m going here at the end of this month, but I’d also like to go back in the winter/spring for a few days of skiing.

Bucks County, PA/East Coast Trip
I’ll hit this place up for the major holidays and also try to get in just for fun as well. Always good to go home. And then maybe in the spring/summer I can convince my California friends to do an East Coast trip with a stop at home. This will accomplish two things:

1. Prove to my friends that the rest of my family is normal.
2. Prove to my family that I have left my apartment and made friends.

China
I’ve been told that I’m going here for a concert or something.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

From: Like Meotta

I have heard that if a girl likes you she might hit you. What about if you are spit on?

Yes, a girl may hit you if she likes you. This is a well-known phenomenon backed by scientific research. If a girl spits on you, sorry dude, she doesn’t like you.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Should I dye my hair blonde? Or maybe get blonde highlights?

If you’re a girl:
Do whatever you want. It’s pretty much a given these days that you can’t expect to know a girl’s natural hair color. Just understand that most guys probably won’t notice changes to your hair unless you remove it completely, so do this for yourself and not to impress anyone. But if you really want my opinion, I vote for highlights.

If you’re a guy and you’re not from some beach town in Southern California or a member of ’N Sync:
No.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hi Wysz. What type of place would you recommend for a first date? Do you have any tips on how to make a good impression?

This depends on how well you know the other person. If you can find a common interest or know of something that he/she likes, then that makes it easier. If you don’t have much info or any better ideas, you can of course fall back on the classics: a bite at the local burger joint or pizza parlor followed by a monster movie at the drive-in, or perhaps an organized event like the sock hop.

You may also want to consider some important details for making the evening comfortable for both of you:

Don’t go anywhere with complicated food. Finger-friendly fare such as french fries and pizza is desirable over more challenging dishes that could potentially make you or your date look foolish. I mean if you give the impression that you don’t even know how to eat by now, after eating every day of your life, it’s just not going to go well. Even spaghetti can be a little much… have you ever had that impossible bowl where you just spin and spin your fork and no matter what you do it doesn’t get to a point where you can get it in your mouth without slurping?

Use an activity to reduce the pressure for conversation and minimize awkward silences. Movies are great, because it’s actually against the rules to talk for a couple hours of your date. Plus, it gives you a filler topic for the rest of the time. Before the movie, you can discuss what you’ve heard about it. After, you can discuss what you thought about it. The same goes for almost any other activity, such as dinner, a night at the roller rink, or miniature golf. Here’s an example:

Before the activity:
You: Have you ever been mini-golfing before?
Date: Yes, I have.
You: Me too!

During the activity:
You: What’s your score so far?
Date: 18.
You: Me too!

After the activity:
You: Did you like that course?
Date: Yes, I enjoyed it. My favorite part was the windmill.
You: Me too!

So those are some basic tips when it comes to planning. As for making a good first impression, think of it like a job interview. Have a few stories about yourself ready to work into the conversation no matter what, but make sure they give an honest illustration of who you are, so you can see how your date reacts to the true you. But don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Spend extra effort asking about the other person and getting to know him or her. If you find yourself beginning to be truly interested in what they have to say, then that’s a good sign. Just don’t be creepy in your questioning, like prying for information about previous relationships. You don’t want to go there.

Disclaimer: Wysz didn’t even go to prom, but he has been to multiple drive-ins.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

What do you think is the best pick up line?

If you’re a guy asking for advice on how to get a girl, I’ll say this: Do you really think a one-liner will get you a girl? Do you really want a girl who is sold by a single sentence? I think you’re asking the wrong question. I can tell you one of the worst, however, and I’ve used it on someone very special:

Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Huh?
Me: When you fell on your face, did it hurt?