Author: Michael Wyszomierski

Recently, I was getting ready to do laundry, and after removing one of my pillowcases, I noticed washing instructions on one of my pillows. I didn’t know you could wash pillows. Then I started to panic. I’ve had these pillows for over a year and never washed them. If you are supposed to wash something, going a year without doing it is pretty gross. Does everyone else in the world wash their pillows? What if I’m some kind of sicko and the only person in the world who doesn’t wash his pillows? I decided I needed to wash my pillows and my shame immediately, and threw them in the washer. After the wash cycle, the damp pillows went into the dryer. And after the dryer was finished, they still felt… not dry. So I ran the dryer again. And again. And they still didn’t feel right. They didn’t quite smell right, either. I asked around at work. Nobody washes pillows.

So I bought new ones. The memory foam kind that I’m confident no one expects me to wash. They arrived today, and they will never be cleaner.

While researching my previous post, I learned that there is an article about Ted in the German Wikipedia, but as of this writing, not in the English edition.

Ted is now playing in the ABA, which apparently exists, and is even featured in a recent film. Now I’m no sports expert, but something sounds fishy here. Why would a bunch of lawyers want to start a basketball league? The slippery floors, discrimination based on physical abilities… I just can’t see that as a situation where they’d want to be defendants. Nevertheless, there was, in fact, a basketball league known as the ABA created in 1967, but according to this memorial, ended its run in 1976, before Ted was even born.

More than that, Ted claims to be a player for the “Frost Heaves,” conveniently located way up in Vermont, where there are probably polar bears and stuff. Frost Heaves? That doesn’t sound like a real team name. I don’t even know what heaves are, and had to look it up. Heaves is a respiratory disease of horses, characterized by flatulence.

But Ted is my friend, so I trusted him upon hearing of his new accomplishment, and soon thought this trust was confirmed when I saw news articles appearing mentioning Ted’s new role. However, reading a couple articles past the headlines showed otherwise. For example, look at the following snippet from this article from the Times Argus in Vermont:

Skucha will have little time to acclimate himself to Vermont.

And a quote from the Burlington Free Press:

Skuchas, a recently-sgined 6-11 Vanderbilt graduate, made his home debut against the Rainmen, who fell to 8-18.

Note that both articles include typos which should have easily been caught by a news publication with any sort of proofreading resources (such as a spellchecker). If you’ve ever attempted an IM conversation with Ted, you know that typos are part of his trademark style.

Nice try, Ted.

Dear Mike Leotta,

Please rewrite my blog’s CSS file so my blog is pretty like yours. My current theme is ugly and hard to read. I would love to pay you for it but I’ve already blown my cash on a Mac Pro.

Also, I <3 Steve’s wardrobe. But not as a joke like you.

Mockingly,
Wysz

I caught the tail end of Jeopardy! earlier tonight. I wonder what Alex and the contestants talk about at the end while the credits are rolling.

Mike Leotta is now blogging. Before he pollutes the web any further, let me give you all fair warning by highlighting some of the key differences between Mike Leotta and Michael “The Wysz” Wyszomierski:

• Mike hates space. Michael loves space.
• As a teenager, Mike had long hair. Michael changes his hairstyle every 10 years.
• Mike’s website has little content. Michael has been at this game for a long time.
• Mike has big muscles. Michael concedes this one.

Those are the facts, folks.