Category: Advice

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Superhero fight
From: Sasidhar

I know it’s an age old question, but I wanted the Wysz answer. Who would win a fight between Batman and Superman?

We’ve really gotten off track with these questions recently; I don’t see how this is a request for advice. I’ll answer it anyway though, because I’m a nice guy.

When it comes to a fight between Batman and Superman, I disagree with the premise of the question. Batman and Superman would not fight each other. They would cooperate and fight whoever tried to make them fight in the first place. So that leaves me with two pieces of advice for you:

1. Don’t make Batman and Superman fight.
2. Don’t bring this up on a date.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

How white is Wysz?
From: Reid

I’m sure you’ve read the blog “Stuff White People Like.” I definitely think of you as the epitome of Whiteness: Standing still at concerts (#67), Grammar (#99), Bad Memories of High School (#83), Apple Products (#40), Wine (#24), and definitely Asian Girls (#11).

But, one thing about Whiteness, at least according to Lander, is a fair amount of political liberalism: Barack Obama (#8), Knowing What’s Best for Poor People (#62), Gentrification (#73), Free Healthcare (#93), and Hating Corporations (#82).

Having read your blog, you appear to deliberately exclude yourself from politics:

http://www.thewysz.com/hotw/iblog/C712427414/E20061119234808/;
http://www.thewysz.com/hotw/iblog/C1020803948/E47223902/;
http://www.thewysz.com/wyszdom/2008/06/music/;
http://www.thewysz.com/wyszdom/2008/06/gift-cards-and-politicians/

Why the disassociation? Or do you feel that political liberalism is not a mutually exclusive component of Whiteness? Would you at the very least agree that being informed about politics or current events might be helpful for dating?

Wow, you actually mentioned dating in this one. So I guess that makes it count as a solicitation for advice.

I believe I’ve already mentioned as comment on your blog that I do not like everything that the people Lander writes about do. For example, white people in Lander’s blog like to live in San Francisco. I do not. They also like bumper stickers. I do not. Political people like bumper stickers.

Answering your questions in order:

Why the dissociation?
I exclude myself from talking about politics, not from participation or awareness. I still vote, but I don’t tell anyone who I voted for. I also research the candidates, but I don’t promote or attack them. Why? Because it’s just not worth it.

It’s not worth it personally, because telling someone your political beliefs has a much stronger potential to hurt you than it does to help you. Let’s set a person’s impression of you as a baseline. If you then tell this person that you agree with him or her politically, he or she may have a slightly more positive impression of you, but it is also likely that he or she has always assumed that you, a reasonable person, shared his or her views, and therefore sees you as exactly the same as before. However, if you tell this person that you do not agree with him or her, there is a very high probability that this will cause he or she to look at you more negatively, and question everything about his or her previous impression of you.

It’s not worth it politically, because people do not change their minds often when it comes to politics. So if you share your views, you will only be preaching to the choir.

I also want to limit my participation in a system that has become such a huge mess. Why is it such a big fight? This isn’t sports. Aren’t we all, in the end, on the same team? Why can’t the candidate with the second highest number of votes be vice president, or the appropriate equivalent for other offices? Nearly every politician uses forms of idiot marketing that I do not want to support. And the whole party system is stupid. I’d rather vote for a single person who has political beliefs similar to mine, and not vote for a set group of beliefs, especially if I only have two options to choose from. Just because I agree with a party on one issue doesn’t mean that I should have to also feel a certain way about multiple unrelated issues. I see differences between individual candidates, but honestly, I do not see a difference between Democrats and Republicans. They’re all politicians.

Do you feel that political liberalism is not a mutually exclusive component of Whiteness?
I don’t believe the two are mutually exclusive or inclusive. Lander probably believes they’re mutually inclusive.

Would you at the very least agree that being informed about politics or current events might be helpful for dating?
Politics: I would not date someone who wants to talk about politics.
Current Events: I typically don’t like to talk about these either, unless it’s about technology.

So, no. At least not for me.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

From: Reid

Why haven’t you seen Get Smart yet?  Since you’re such a big fan of The Office (US version), I would have assumed you would have seen it on opening night.

Again, Reid, do you understand what the Personal Wyszdom form is for? You’re supposed to ask for advice, not about my movie-watching habits. But here we go:

I just haven’t gotten around to it. I’m a busy guy. I haven’t seen a lot of Steve’s recent movies including Dan in Real Life and Evan Almighty. I do think he’s a good actor, but I don’t need to see all of his films immediately. Do you want to see it sometime this week? If so, let me know via email or something, not through the advice form.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Before the Internet
From: Reid

What did you do before you got on the Internet?

I believe I was in fifth grade when we first got AOL, and the “real Internet” came within about a year. Before that, I built things. I built with K’NEX, LEGOs, Capsela, wooden blocks… anything. Except for Erector Sets. Those things were confusing. I also liked to build/launch model rockets and even worked on the treehouse in the backyard. Now I only get to build things when I move, and it’s all from IKEA.

Wait, did you need advice about something? Save those hex wrenches.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Clothing
From: Riona

Dear Wysz
Capris on men: Yes or no?

If he’s European or hiking through a stream: Fine.
If he’s not: No.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

What are some good movies to watch with girls? Do you know of any smooth moves that can help “set the mood”?

The first thing you should do is try to figure out which types of movies the girl likes. You want her to have a good time, right?

Comedies are tough unless you really know her sense of humor. If you go to a movie like Superbad and she hates it while you’re laughing the whole time, she may not think that highly of you. But if you want to go comedy, stay mainstream. Think Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, or other actors with confusing combinations of ‘R’ and ‘L’ in their last names which make them difficult to spell. Try to get as close to the romantic comedy genre as you can (see below), with films like Meet the Parents.

Scary movies are good only if she likes them. If you take her to a scary movie and she doesn’t like them, then you’re just a jerk. If she like them and you don’t, go anyway, since she may find it cute when you’re scared. Plus she might grab your arm or turn towards you if she gets scared, which is kind of cool.

Romantic comedies, AKA “chick flicks,” are pretty standard date movies, so go to one of these if you want to play it safe. These are date movies for good reasons, so don’t feel bad about going to them. A few advantages:

1. If they include actors like Hugh Grant, Richard Gere, or Julia Roberts, the audience will much likely be older and therefore not annoying like certain groups of teenagers you’ll find at other movies.
2. At the end of the movie, you’ll both be thinking about relationships and have an excuse to talk about them.
3. If you find yourself at a loss for words later that night, just quote the movie and it will likely sound romantic.
4. You can go to a romantic comedy and not feel embarrassed about it.

Action movies are kind of bleh for dates, and better suited for group outings since they tend to be big blockbuster-type movies that anyone is okay with seeing. Unless she suggests one, you can probably skip it.

Star Trek movies are good only if you met at a Star Trek convention. Otherwise, sneak out and see the new one while she’s out of town or you’re supposed to be at work. May 2009!

As for the moves, let’s start with what you shouldn’t do. Don’t do the stretch, which ends with your arm around her. It’s so corny that it goes past the point where it’s funny. The stretch is illustrated below:

Photo by Koklynn Yip

Your best bet is probably to keep your hands to yourself and wait for her lead. If you do something she doesn’t like, you risk having to sit awkwardly through the remainder of the movie.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have any moves to share with you. Like pickup lines, “moves” are small tactics that are unlikely to help you much in the long run. However, there is one move that can be used before the start of a relationship. I use it all the time, and it’s a simple ear wiggle. You see, when a girl sees a guy wiggling his ears, one of her first thoughts will be, “I bet he’s single.” This talent is therefore a great way to signal your guaranteed availability.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hi Wysz. Where are the best places to go to meet singles?

Star Trek conventions. Many of the attendees are likely single, plus you know they like Star Trek. What else could you want?

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Hey Wysz, what are your thoughts on using cute pets for personal gain? Hypothetically, if I had a cute dog, should said dog help me meet girls at parks and other outdoor places? Are there any other ways I could use this hypothetical dog to my advantage?

Pets, especially dogs, are a big responsibility. If you do not already have this dog, I would not recommend getting one for the purpose of meeting girls. Instead of using a dog, one great alternative is children. You see, generally the ultimate goal in this whole dating thing is to find someone who you’ll eventually marry and have a family with. If you can prove to your potential wife that you are capable of rearing children, you increase the possibility that she will choose you as her mate. Let’s walk through a quick overview of the process.

First, start with a baby. Babies are a great lure for girls, because it is culturally acceptable for women to approach anyone who is holding a baby, commenting on its cuteness or asking standard questions such as “How many months?” or “Where did you get it?” Just hang out in a public place where there are females, and make yourself look approachable. You’ll probably get attention pretty quickly, and once a girl starts talking to you, keep the conversation going so she doesn’t just pass by. And she may not ask, but trust me, all she wants to do at that point is hold the baby, so you need to get past that if you want her to be at all interested in you. Make up an excuse (it doesn’t have to be good… remember, she isn’t listening) for her to hold the baby so she can have her fix. For example, “I need to grab her bottle out of the bag; would you mind holding her for a minute?” Once the baby has been in her arms, you can start working your magic in getting to some actual communication. Continue to use this bait until you’ve attracted consistent attention (multiple encounters) from a girl who you’d like to go out with. Once you’re sure that she would at least acknowledge you without the presence of a baby, impress her even more by moving up to progressively older children. Each day, you can move up an age group, and perform an appropriate parenting skill in her presence. Read a story to a toddler. Teach a seven-year-old how to catch a ball. You get the idea. You can then confidently ask her out.

If you already have a dog, that can be helpful as it may work as an initial attractor like the baby. But after a quick pat on your dog’s head, you’re on your own. She’s not going to stick around just to watch you make a dog sit or roll over.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

Future travel plans?
From: Reid

Where do you plan to travel in the coming year?

I don’t know if this is exactly related to advice, since you’re just asking about me, but I’ll answer it anyway in the hope that it will inspire the travel plans of you and others. Here’s what I’m thinking for upcoming trips:

Vegas
I’ll go if I find a way to get a free trip. This is pretty likely. There are still plenty of shows there I haven’t seen so it should be fun.

Telluride, CO
I’m going here at the end of this month, but I’d also like to go back in the winter/spring for a few days of skiing.

Bucks County, PA/East Coast Trip
I’ll hit this place up for the major holidays and also try to get in just for fun as well. Always good to go home. And then maybe in the spring/summer I can convince my California friends to do an East Coast trip with a stop at home. This will accomplish two things:

1. Prove to my friends that the rest of my family is normal.
2. Prove to my family that I have left my apartment and made friends.

China
I’ve been told that I’m going here for a concert or something.

Submitted via the Personal Wyszdom request:

From: Like Meotta

I have heard that if a girl likes you she might hit you. What about if you are spit on?

Yes, a girl may hit you if she likes you. This is a well-known phenomenon backed by scientific research. If a girl spits on you, sorry dude, she doesn’t like you.