Nelson Bradley: beah fails
[I consult him for a minute]
Nelson Bradley: beah is good
Need fake advice?
Because I haven’t seen any requests for advice in a while, this is a reminder that I’m still here for you.
Street View in Baltimore
Street View imagery is now available for Baltimore. I haven’t been back since graduation, so I took the chance to look back at a few familiar sights from my days at JHU.
“The Beach”
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Freshman dorm
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Junior/Senior year apartment
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The Wawa I would drive 20 minutes to when I had one of those late-night cravings for a hoagie
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Engineering pleasant surprises
I prefer Pepsi, but at restaurants, I order Coke. I do this because it’s more likely that the restaurant serves Coke and not Pepsi. So instead of setting myself up for disappointment the majority of the time, I instead ask in a way that will either get me what I ordered (satisfactory), or a pleasant surprise.
Here’s how it goes down when they serve Pepsi:
Me: I’ll have a Coke.
Server: I’m sorry, is Pepsi okay?
Me: Even better.
See, I’m happy, and so is the server, who went from feeling sorry to relieved to having a happy customer.
Communication FAIL
People know how brick and mortar stores work. The customer walks in, and if they decide to buy anything, take their items to the cashier, pay for the items, and walk out with the items in a bag. This is standard across most of the world, which is why it’s pretty easy to shop in any major city, even if the parties involved don’t share a common language. Since everything occurs immediately and within sight of the customer, there is no confusion as to what is going on.
Here’s how things should work online:
The customer browses the site and adds items to a shopping cart. When they’re ready to order, they enter their shipping and billing information, and submit the order. As soon as the order has been received, a confirmation email is sent to the customer. This should happen within five minutes of the order, and give the customer an order number that they can use to track its progress. As soon as the order is shipped, a second email should be sent to the customer containing a tracking number for the package. If the customer does not receive a shipping notice within the expected amount of time from the order (one business day unless the merchant warns otherwise), he or she will assume that something is wrong and wonder why the merchant has not made any contact to explain the situation.
You all know this already, so you’re probably wondering why I bothered to write out the obvious. Well, I’ve ordered from several online merchants who actually don’t follow these basic rules, and the most common and most frustrating failure is on communication. Here’s a recent example:
I ordered wine from BevMo on Sunday, October 26th. I received a confirmation email with an order number. So far, so good. The next weekend soon came and I had not received a shipping notification, but noticed my credit card had been charged. I was concerned, because BevMo specifically stated this in the first email:
When your items are picked up, we will send you another email with the appropriate tracking number.
I called them that next Sunday (a week after the order was placed) to ask what was going on, and was told that someone would call me back the next day. Nobody had called by around 5:00, so I called back. This time, I was again told that someone would call me back within 24 hours. The next day, they again failed to call me back, but the wine did show up unannounced. I never received a tracking number.
I still like the store (maybe not as much as Dan and Beah) but I think I’ll stick to shopping there in person for now.
How I knew Obama would win
Alright, let’s get this political post out of the way so I can get back to my usual stuff. Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling this at 6:30 Pacific. In fact, I called it on November 14th, 2007.
When Google started hosting potential candidates, I figured that if I went to see enough of them, I could increase my chances of seeing an actual future U.S. President in person. Hillary Clinton came in February of last year, and I saw her live in Charlie’s Café. Then John McCain dropped by in May, and I went to see him as well. You can even see me in the YouTube video when they cut to the questioners, as illustrated below:
And finally, almost a year ago, Barack Obama paid a visit. I headed over to Charlie’s just as I had done before, but he was so popular that by the time I got there, they had already closed the doors to prevent overcrowding. I ended up watching via videoconference from another room. And you know what I thought to myself, a year ago? “That guy’s going to end up being President, because I didn’t get to see him in person.”
Election Day
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A night in the big city
Last night, Mike and I headed up to San Francisco to have dinner with Dan and Beah at The Monk’s Kettle. Let me first get the negative (and probably more interesting) part out of the way. I’m not a city person. I never have been.
If I’m in a city for too long, I feel trapped. There are people everywhere and there is no escape. I feel like there’s never a chance when I can let my guard down and truly relax. Being raised in the suburbs (the near-rural farmland type, not just townhouses and cul-de-sacs), I’m used to going home to peace, quiet, and open space. Cities are where I go to work or have a night of entertainment, but not live. I understand that other people have different thoughts on this, but this is the way I am and good luck convincing me otherwise. I don’t have a problem dealing with a city for a night, short trip, or even a few years like I did in Baltimore, but I cannot see myself living in one on any kind of permanent basis.
Call me insensitive or whatever you want, but one of my biggest issues with cities (and I have several issues) is the crazies. And by “crazies,” I mean anyone who doesn’t understand that in most cases, it is not socially acceptable to approach or engage a stranger. This brings me to my story which I recently referred to in a tweet.
We were standing outside of the no-reservations (don’t get me started on that) restaurant minding our own business like normal people when a man approached us, speaking in a language which was not English. He seemed frustrated about something and then walked away.
The same man came back a second time, this time mixing in some English, asking if any of us wanted a job. He wanted to “team up” with some people since apparently his friend who was supposed to help him out with “the job” didn’t show up. This was in San Francisco, so I think we can assume he was looking for people to help with his Internet-based social media startup. All of us were already employed, so we politely declined and he left us alone again for about a minute.
The third time he came back pretty angry, using language which is not used on this all-ages blog, and to the best that we could understand he was accusing us of making comments about him, even though I believe at the time we were talking about cats, dogs, and goats. At this point I think we all started to feel a little uncomfortable, but fortunately the guy soon left. This time, the host at the restaurant noticed him walking away and asked us if the job recruiter was bothering us, and noted that he had seen him with a knife in the past. He suggested that we wait inside, and then called the cops.
The host kept an eye on the guy as he paced up and down the sidewalk, and within a few minutes several cop cars showed up, and about seven or eight cops surround the guy. I didn’t really see much of what was going on as by this point we were inside, but I think Beah saw him sitting down in handcuffs. I assumed we would be questioned about what happened, but the cops never came to talk to us. I’m not sure what happened to the guy.
According to our waiter, the crazy guy goes around threatening to stab half the city. They think he has a grudge on someone who worked at a restaurant which was previously located where The Monk’s Kettle is, and keeps coming back even though that place hasn’t been there for years. Oh well, at least they’re aware of him and know to call the cops.
But anyway… The Monk’s Kettle gets a thumbs up from me. The beer was surprisingly good (I’m usually not a fan), so I need to start giving it a chance more often. We had Fuller’s London Porter-Nitro. I’m not good at describing tastes, so I’ll use a description that was given to one of my professors when he was buying wine: “It tastes like a wet barn.”
For dinner, we started with an appetizer of a giant pretzel, served with ground mustard and cheddar ale sauce. The mustard was good, but the cheese sauce was amazing. I don’t often get excited about food, but I really loved this. I wanted to make out with that pretzel. We tried to guess the sauce’s ingredients, and while the waiter was pretty sure it was just a blend of soft cheeses, we came up with cheese, butter, and possibly even mayonnaise.
Next up, we all ordered BBQ pulled pork sandwiches. I really like these when they’re done right (I like the sauce really mixed in well and no noticeably hard or fatty meat), and these were done right. Each was served with a side of fries, which Dan identified as “suspiciously like McDonald’s fries.” We all agreed that this was not a bad thing. They were crispy, salty, and delicious.
All things considered, I would totally go back to this establishment, even if it means getting stabbed. Of course I would only tolerate a minor flesh wound, with no infection or anything. Maybe more of a prick than a stab… and I’d love to see the attacker get taken down by the cops afterward. I’d also like to go without getting stabbed; in fact that would be preferable.
I totally need to do more with Beah and Dan in the future. They know how to have a good time.
More Halloween costumes
Now that I’m no longer dressed like a wig-wearing Beah, let’s see who and what some other people dressed up as:
Matthew (right) was one of the first people I saw this morning. He’s “that guy who drives a Miata,” sporting slicked-back hair, two collared shirts, and a Bluetooth headset that he wears when he’s not in the car… or even on a call. Jason’s first reaction: “Are you the CEO of Loopt?”
Santosh (left) is Superfly, and claims that he got his clothes from a thrift store and not his closet.
Sophia is Domo-kun, and plans to wear her costume on non-Halloween days as well.
Beah is Wysz! I had heard rumors of this throughout the week but I was surprised she actually went through with it. I got to see Beah’s impression of me for the first time today. It was enlightening.
Henri and Nelson are bees. Nelson made his own costume after finding out what Henri was. Really.
I never explicitly asked, but I’m pretty sure Rowyn is Alice.
Charlene is Juno. Funny how similar a Juno costume is to a Beah costume. Her pregnancy advanced throughout the day.
I forgot to tell you what kind of bee Henri is. He’s a “cute bee.”
Koklynn is a ghost, and Evan is the White Rabbit.
Yanet really went all-out with her Domo-kun costume. I wonder if she plans on wearing it as often as Sophia.
Once again, Mike has found an excuse to wear his underwear on the outside, and is Powdered Toast Man. Last year he was Quail-Man. Notice a pattern?
Henri took a break from being a bee for part of the afternoon and went for the “cute dog” look.
Tiffany kept her costume a secret from me until today, but did hint that it had my favorite elements. She’s a holiday FAIL… with working lights!
Jason and Ann took a trip to Walmart and got the trashiest stuff they could find. Looks like they’re late for a NASCAR event. After someone asked Jason if he was Ann (because of being pregnant), I said, “I sure hope you’re not Ann, because you’re ugly.” I am going to take this moment to clarify that I only think he is ugly in that costume. Lurking in the background is Chris dressed as one of the numbered ninjas or whatever it was Matt D. got them to do.
Dan is only “celebrating” ironically.
Rickrolled by Matt! I really should have taken a video, because this wasn’t a simple pose for a picture. The guy was actually dancing, and it looks like he had a lot of practice. He made it to the front page of Digg again for this.
Beah Wysz got his last bit of candy before we headed out. He was really excited about the candy. For more Googler Halloween costumes, check out our post on the Webmaster Central Blog.
What were you for Halloween?
Being a Burger
After Beah generously provided me with authentic Beah Burger garments, I decided I would go through with my original plan to be a Beah for Halloween. She hooked me up with the good stuff: leggings, a skirt, a white t-shirt, and her trademark red sweatshirt.
That left me with just a few items to provide myself: glasses (optional), footwear (flip-flops will do), and a wig.
I heard from Koklynn that finding a wig would likely be difficult so close to the holiday, even at a seasonal costume store. But, on Halloween Eve she texted me with good news. She was in Walmart, and was able to grab one of the last wigs as they were flying off the shelves. The only problem was that the only remaining wig was blonde, and Beah is not:
I figured this wouldn’t be a big deal; I could just dye it. Girls are changing their hair color all the time. Unfortunately, the only spray-on hair dyes they had were weird colors like green, so I decided to go with a more intense coloring solution. Koklynn told me it probably wouldn’t work, since it isn’t real hair, but I still went ahead and picked up some product:
I also found some cheap red glasses, which aren’t exactly the same style as Beah’s, but close enough. I popped out the lenses though because they were making me dizzy.
The hair coloring instructions were more complicated than I expected, but I dove right in and started coloring the wig. It was a pretty messy process, but I contained as much as I could to my bathroom sink and I was wearing the provided gloves. Unfortunately, during the process I learned a couple of things:
1) This stuff gets airborne (and on everything in the bathroom) very easily.
2) I need to get a new comb.
The wig was a little too long in the back to match Beah’s hair, so while I was coloring I also decided to cut it to a more accurate shape. To make sure I got this right, I put the wig on and cut in front of the mirror. I also thought it would be easier to color this way. Turns out it was a great way to color my face:
Not only did it color my face, I also noticed at one point that I must have poked holes in my gloves, because both of my hands became stained. They’re still dyed, even after a shower and several hand-washings:
After about an hour of careful application through every layer of fake hair, I finally had the entire wig colored, and it actually looked pretty good. I was amazed at how much I was able to change the color, and when wet the wig’s style really came close to matching the real thing. Here’s the color I was able to get, with an uncolored lock in the foreground for comparison:
Satisfied and extremely proud of myself, I started to think about what it would be like at work. I even imagined a scenario where I would get there really early and sit at Beah’s desk, and see if arriving coworkers thought I was her until I turned around. To make sure the color really set in, I let the wig sit for an hour.
After an hour, the last thing I needed to to was rinse out the excess coloring agent. As soon as that warm water hit the wig, I knew I was in for an EPIC FAIL. Here’s what I soon saw… a wet blonde wig:
If I wasn’t wearing Beah’s clothes, I’d probably just re-color the wig and not rinse it, and risk staining an old sweatshirt. But I couldn’t pass on a chance to wear the real deal.
By this time it was too late for me to find another solution, so I had to settle for “Beah Burger wearing a blonde wig” as my costume. I dried the wig on my heater (I don’t have a hairdryer), put on Beah’s clothes, and became this:
Unfortunately, if you just look at my face, I look like Liam Sullivan’s “Kelly” character:
Happy Halloween.