Communication FAIL

People know how brick and mortar stores work. The customer walks in, and if they decide to buy anything, take their items to the cashier, pay for the items, and walk out with the items in a bag. This is standard across most of the world, which is why it’s pretty easy to shop in any major city, even if the parties involved don’t share a common language. Since everything occurs immediately and within sight of the customer, there is no confusion as to what is going on.

Here’s how things should work online:
The customer browses the site and adds items to a shopping cart. When they’re ready to order, they enter their shipping and billing information, and submit the order. As soon as the order has been received, a confirmation email is sent to the customer. This should happen within five minutes of the order, and give the customer an order number that they can use to track its progress. As soon as the order is shipped, a second email should be sent to the customer containing a tracking number for the package. If the customer does not receive a shipping notice within the expected amount of time from the order (one business day unless the merchant warns otherwise), he or she will assume that something is wrong and wonder why the merchant has not made any contact to explain the situation.

You all know this already, so you’re probably wondering why I bothered to write out the obvious. Well, I’ve ordered from several online merchants who actually don’t follow these basic rules, and the most common and most frustrating failure is on communication. Here’s a recent example:
I ordered wine from BevMo on Sunday, October 26th. I received a confirmation email with an order number. So far, so good. The next weekend soon came and I had not received a shipping notification, but noticed my credit card had been charged. I was concerned, because BevMo specifically stated this in the first email:

When your items are picked up, we will send you another email with the appropriate tracking number.

I called them that next Sunday (a week after the order was placed) to ask what was going on, and was told that someone would call me back the next day. Nobody had called by around 5:00, so I called back. This time, I was again told that someone would call me back within 24 hours. The next day, they again failed to call me back, but the wine did show up unannounced. I never received a tracking number.

I still like the store (maybe not as much as Dan and Beah) but I think I’ll stick to shopping there in person for now.

How I knew Obama would win

Alright, let’s get this political post out of the way so I can get back to my usual stuff. Yeah, that’s right, I’m calling this at 6:30 Pacific. In fact, I called it on November 14th, 2007.

When Google started hosting potential candidates, I figured that if I went to see enough of them, I could increase my chances of seeing an actual future U.S. President in person. Hillary Clinton came in February of last year, and I saw her live in Charlie’s CafĂ©. Then John McCain dropped by in May, and I went to see him as well. You can even see me in the YouTube video when they cut to the questioners, as illustrated below:

wysz in a YouTube still

And finally, almost a year ago, Barack Obama paid a visit. I headed over to Charlie’s just as I had done before, but he was so popular that by the time I got there, they had already closed the doors to prevent overcrowding. I ended up watching via videoconference from another room. And you know what I thought to myself, a year ago? “That guy’s going to end up being President, because I didn’t get to see him in person.”

A night in the big city

Last night, Mike and I headed up to San Francisco to have dinner with Dan and Beah at The Monk’s Kettle. Let me first get the negative (and probably more interesting) part out of the way. I’m not a city person. I never have been.

If I’m in a city for too long, I feel trapped. There are people everywhere and there is no escape. I feel like there’s never a chance when I can let my guard down and truly relax. Being raised in the suburbs (the near-rural farmland type, not just townhouses and cul-de-sacs), I’m used to going home to peace, quiet, and open space. Cities are where I go to work or have a night of entertainment, but not live. I understand that other people have different thoughts on this, but this is the way I am and good luck convincing me otherwise. I don’t have a problem dealing with a city for a night, short trip, or even a few years like I did in Baltimore, but I cannot see myself living in one on any kind of permanent basis.

Call me insensitive or whatever you want, but one of my biggest issues with cities (and I have several issues) is the crazies. And by “crazies,” I mean anyone who doesn’t understand that in most cases, it is not socially acceptable to approach or engage a stranger. This brings me to my story which I recently referred to in a tweet.

We were standing outside of the no-reservations (don’t get me started on that) restaurant minding our own business like normal people when a man approached us, speaking in a language which was not English. He seemed frustrated about something and then walked away.

The same man came back a second time, this time mixing in some English, asking if any of us wanted a job. He wanted to “team up” with some people since apparently his friend who was supposed to help him out with “the job” didn’t show up. This was in San Francisco, so I think we can assume he was looking for people to help with his Internet-based social media startup. All of us were already employed, so we politely declined and he left us alone again for about a minute.

The third time he came back pretty angry, using language which is not used on this all-ages blog, and to the best that we could understand he was accusing us of making comments about him, even though I believe at the time we were talking about cats, dogs, and goats. At this point I think we all started to feel a little uncomfortable, but fortunately the guy soon left. This time, the host at the restaurant noticed him walking away and asked us if the job recruiter was bothering us, and noted that he had seen him with a knife in the past. He suggested that we wait inside, and then called the cops.

The host kept an eye on the guy as he paced up and down the sidewalk, and within a few minutes several cop cars showed up, and about seven or eight cops surround the guy. I didn’t really see much of what was going on as by this point we were inside, but I think Beah saw him sitting down in handcuffs. I assumed we would be questioned about what happened, but the cops never came to talk to us. I’m not sure what happened to the guy.

According to our waiter, the crazy guy goes around threatening to stab half the city. They think he has a grudge on someone who worked at a restaurant which was previously located where The Monk’s Kettle is, and keeps coming back even though that place hasn’t been there for years. Oh well, at least they’re aware of him and know to call the cops.

But anyway… The Monk’s Kettle gets a thumbs up from me. The beer was surprisingly good (I’m usually not a fan), so I need to start giving it a chance more often. We had Fuller’s London Porter-Nitro. I’m not good at describing tastes, so I’ll use a description that was given to one of my professors when he was buying wine: “It tastes like a wet barn.”

For dinner, we started with an appetizer of a giant pretzel, served with ground mustard and cheddar ale sauce. The mustard was good, but the cheese sauce was amazing. I don’t often get excited about food, but I really loved this. I wanted to make out with that pretzel. We tried to guess the sauce’s ingredients, and while the waiter was pretty sure it was just a blend of soft cheeses, we came up with cheese, butter, and possibly even mayonnaise.

Next up, we all ordered BBQ pulled pork sandwiches. I really like these when they’re done right (I like the sauce really mixed in well and no noticeably hard or fatty meat), and these were done right. Each was served with a side of fries, which Dan identified as “suspiciously like McDonald’s fries.” We all agreed that this was not a bad thing. They were crispy, salty, and delicious.

All things considered, I would totally go back to this establishment, even if it means getting stabbed. Of course I would only tolerate a minor flesh wound, with no infection or anything. Maybe more of a prick than a stab… and I’d love to see the attacker get taken down by the cops afterward. I’d also like to go without getting stabbed; in fact that would be preferable.

I totally need to do more with Beah and Dan in the future. They know how to have a good time.

More Halloween costumes

Now that I’m no longer dressed like a wig-wearing Beah, let’s see who and what some other people dressed up as:

Matthew and Santosh

Matthew (right) was one of the first people I saw this morning. He’s “that guy who drives a Miata,” sporting slicked-back hair, two collared shirts, and a Bluetooth headset that he wears when he’s not in the car… or even on a call. Jason’s first reaction: “Are you the CEO of Loopt?”

Santosh (left) is Superfly, and claims that he got his clothes from a thrift store and not his closet.

Sophia

Sophia is Domo-kun, and plans to wear her costume on non-Halloween days as well.

Beah

Beah is Wysz! I had heard rumors of this throughout the week but I was surprised she actually went through with it. I got to see Beah’s impression of me for the first time today. It was enlightening.

Henri and Nelson

Henri and Nelson are bees. Nelson made his own costume after finding out what Henri was. Really.

Rowyn

I never explicitly asked, but I’m pretty sure Rowyn is Alice.

Charlene

Charlene is Juno. Funny how similar a Juno costume is to a Beah costume. Her pregnancy advanced throughout the day.

Henri as a cute bee

I forgot to tell you what kind of bee Henri is. He’s a “cute bee.”

Koklynn and Evan

Koklynn is a ghost, and Evan is the White Rabbit.

Yanet

Yanet really went all-out with her Domo-kun costume. I wonder if she plans on wearing it as often as Sophia.

Mike

Once again, Mike has found an excuse to wear his underwear on the outside, and is Powdered Toast Man. Last year he was Quail-Man. Notice a pattern?

Henri

Henri took a break from being a bee for part of the afternoon and went for the “cute dog” look.

Tiffany

Tiffany kept her costume a secret from me until today, but did hint that it had my favorite elements. She’s a holiday FAIL… with working lights!

Jason and Ann

Jason and Ann. Lurking in the background is Chris dressed as one of the numbered ninjas or whatever it was Matt D. got them to do.

Dan

Dan is only “celebrating” ironically.

Matt

Rickrolled by Matt! I really should have taken a video, because this wasn’t a simple pose for a picture. The guy was actually dancing, and it looks like he had a lot of practice. He made it to the front page of Digg again for this.

candy

Beah Wysz got his last bit of candy before we headed out. He was really excited about the candy. For more Googler Halloween costumes, check out our post on the Webmaster Central Blog.

What were you for Halloween?